


And she will forgive

by Alcine



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Community: cgkinkmemeii, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 09:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12009798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcine/pseuds/Alcine
Summary: Genbu does not even want to see the child the first few weeks.





	And she will forgive

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote years ago for the Code Geass kinkmeme and that I want to keep track of. Because I kind of liked it in spite of the subject. No warnings outside of canon events and secondary character death. And huh, sadness. Nothing kinky either, just some father/son interaction - or lack thereof. Thanks to the then-anons who inspired this!
> 
> Hope you like it.

Genbu does not even want to see the child the first few weeks. When he does, it is because his path accidentally crosses that of the young maid they have chosen to look after him, and all he can see in her arms is the cause of his pain and sorrow.

So he walks on, hardly sparing it a glance.

-

The girl obviously has something up her sleeve, because as the months wear on she makes a point of passing by him on his daily walks more and more often until Genbu eventually ends up face to face with his regret at least once a day no matter how much he tries to avoid it. 

Sometimes he does glance at it, because he wants to see if the baby looks like her.

-

The first time the look is returned, the child is old enough to be held upright in his nurse's arms, and the damn girl does not move from where they have walked into each other even after she is done greeting her master. Genbu wants to walk away, but he remains standing straight, his hands firmly clasped behind his back because the child is looking at him with  _her_  eyes and this fascinated stare babies have.

He can feel the girl's eyes on him as he finally takes a good look at his son for the first time. How old is he anyway? Three months old? Four?

Three months, seventeen days, his heart says. Because Genbu knows perfectly well how old the child is, almost to the minute - every new day in this boy's life is another day away from her.

When he finally takes the decision to leave, the boy reaches out to him with a chubby hand and makes a baby sound that means nothing but sounds like a question.

Genbu stops, but he has no idea how to react. So he does not.

-

Genbu misses his son's first steps, but he does see him wobbling around in the garden the following days, under the attentive gaze of his nurse again. He watches from afar as the child sways, eyes wide because he does not yet know how to get his balance back, and falls on his hands. The girl rushes over to him to kiss the tears away with a smile.

This is the first time Genbu catches himself thinking his wife should have been here  _with_  the boy rather than  _instead_  of him. 

-

The more the kid grows up, the more he looks like her, and the more painful it gets.

He has her eyes, her hair (although hers was slightly darker), and her brightful smile. 

Everytime he finds her in the child's face it feels like a reminder that she is not there anymore.

-

They don't celebrate the boy's birthday, because July 10th is the anniversary of her death. 

-

The pain goes from unbearable to tolerable with the years. It's always there (everytime the kid looks up at him or smiles his mother's smile) but slowly fading in intensity (unlike the memories). Genbu has learned how to throw himself into his work and focus on the prosperity of his country - Japan needs him. There are treaties to be signed. Alliances to be made. Threats to kill in the nest. His duty is to his country first and foremost.

But he needs to see to his heir's future. He is, after all, the Prime Minister's son.

Tohdoh Kyoshiro has offered to train him into a proper kendoka, and the Sumeragis have already expressed interest in him for their youngest daughter. Maybe he should start taking him to a few meetings too, so he can learn how the world works and how to make it follow your lead.

Genbu finds that it is less painful to think of his son when focusing on his education, the people he should meet and how he should be raised - instead of who and what he reminds him of.

-

Once, the boy asks about his mother. 

Oh, Genbu has so many things to say about her. How beautiful she was. How her delicate gestures were like a graceful dance. How her soft hair would curl aroud her face and how her bright green eyes would twinkle when she smiled. How her cristalline laugh was like music to his ears.

How empty the world seems without her.

The words will not come out. He tries, several times, to say something,  _anything_  about her. But even after all these years, it is still too painful. He does not cry - he never does - but he thinks he might want to.

Her life was a gift. A blessing. And her baby boy took it away.

He can't tell that to his son.

The boy never asks again.

-

Ten years. Ten years since she passed away. The world is shattering, war will soon be upon them, and it feels like only yesterday when she kissed his brow and whispered goodbye as the servants took the crying child away from her.

-

The pain lessens somewhat in the following weeks, because Genbu has so many things on his mind and so many things to do. Britannia is getting restless again, and he has to take a decision about those two 'hostages' he keeps in the storage room.

He has no time to think about...trivial matters.

-

He might have given the boy too much free will by letting him spend so much time with Tohdoh, and the Britannian siblings - that is what Genbu thinks when he finds himself arguing with a ten-year old about  _war_  matters. That is not what he envisioned when he tried to teach him politics. Maybe he would not have been so  _naive_  had he not been left to his own devices so much.

Befriending the enemy's children clearly has muddled his son's brain as far as logic, sense, and  _pride_  are concerned. 

He has to fight for Japan, because Japan is all he has left.

The boy is thrown halfway across the room and Genbu does not even realize what he has done before there is a sudden, burning, and very much unexpected pain in his midriff.

He understands what just happened, and what is about to happen, by finding the horror of it in his son's eyes. 

The war is over.

For the first time Genbu  _wants_  to say something to him, because he is the father and his son is lost, and although he knows that nothing good can ever come of this he also knows that this is probably his fault. He thinks the kid should know, but he is already slipping away and all he can do is face his own failure in the horror-stricken stare.

For a second Genbu thinks his son might get it, but then the shock and fear darken the boy's eyes as he drops the knife and rushes towards him -

 _Genbu suddenly remembers his wife radiating happiness as she walks over to him with a smile bright like a thousand suns to tell him_ it's a baby boy _and hug him in delight, her eyes carrying all the dreams and hopes she already has for this child; she is going to make Suzaku the happiest boy there ever was_

\- and Genbu's heart clenches with guilt and regret as he realizes that when he is finally reunited with her, all he can tell her is

Sorry.


End file.
